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How can I control my anger when I get frustrated and stressed by my kids?

Few relationships can produce more challenges and frustrations than the parent-child relationship. What can we do when love and anger collide in the family? Here are some parenting tips.

Answer: Even the most loving parents will experience anger every now and then toward their children. However, uncontrolled anger can affect your ability to make good decisions as well as maintain a positive relationship with your son or daughter.
Allowing yourself to "blow up" at your child can be very harmful if it occurs repeatedly. In your anger, you may say things that frighten your child or affect his or her self-esteem, or you could even physically harm him or her. Uncontrolled anger also provides an inappropriate role model for your child by teaching him or her that anger outbursts are acceptable.
It can be difficult to control yourself when you become angry. However, the Bible tells us that a wise person maintains self-control. Proverbs:29:11A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards. states, "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Also, Ecclesiastes:7:9Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. says, "Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools."
What can we do when we get mad at our kids? Below are several parenting tips that will assist us in managing our anger.

Pause for a moment.

When you feel yourself becoming angry, it is wise to pause before you say or do anything. This pause could consist of merely taking a deep breath or slowly counting to 10. Pausing can help you to address the situation calmly instead of in a fit of anger.
During this pause quickly think about the circumstances and try to determine what is really happening. Is your anger a reaction to your child's behavior? Or is something else bothering you such as work stress, tiredness or other problems? Has your son or daughter intentionally tried to hurt or disobey you, or is his or her behavior typical for a child of that age? Is this your problem, your child's problem or both?

Take a parental or child time-out.

In situations where you are very angry, realize that it will take some time to cool off. Time-outs model an appropriate way to handle anger. It can be good for your child to see you get angry and demonstrate a socially acceptable way to deal with these feelings.
You may even tell your child that "Mother is angry and needs a time-out." Don't tell your child that you are angry because he or she is stupid or bad, for such labeling is not healthy for your child's self-esteem. Your time-out could even involve stress-reducing activities such as walking, punching a pillow in private, taking a bath or talking to your spouse or a friend about the situation.
Instead of a parental time-out, you may also opt for a time-out for your child as part of his or her punishment. While your son or daughter is sitting in the corner, you will also have time to cool off and decide the best course of action.

Resolve to never strike your child in anger.

Never discipline your kids when you are angry and unable to control your feelings. While spanking in an appropriate manner is supported in Scripture, it is unwise to spank your child while you are angry. You could accidentally bruise him or her by spanking too hard. This could lead to your child being taken from your home by social services.
If at any time you feel the urge to strike your child, get out of the room as soon as possible. If your child is too young to leave alone for a few minutes, be sure to put him or her in the crib or a playpen or have someone else watch your child. Older children should just be told that you are angry and need a time-out. Stay away until you have calmed down. Pray for God to help you to control your anger and respond in a godly manner.

Form plans for how you will react.

Determine how you want to respond to your child or the problem. Your plan should take into account what you want him or her to learn from this, as well as how to prevent this misbehavior from happening again.
If your child has been told that he or she would be punished for this misbehavior, it is important that you follow through with your word. Children need to learn that there are consequences to their actions. If you have not set formal rules for this misbehavior, plan how you will do it now. Put together a list of family rules, and state the consequences for not following the rules. You may want to consult various parenting books for ideas about methods of discipline that may prove to be effective for your child.

Act and don't react to the situation.

After you have cooled off, analyzed the situation and determined the best plan of action, it is time to act. Your actions must be calm and loving. If you punish your child, be sure that you also explain exactly why he or she is receiving a punishment. As always, tell your child that the discipline is to help him or her and is a consequence of his or her misbehavior.
To raise an emotionally well-developed child, it is important to show unconditional love. For example, tell your son or daughter, "I still love you, even though I am now angry about your misbehavior." It is also important to hug your child and reassure him or her after you have punished him or her for misbehaving.
Anger is a God-given emotion. It can even be used to correct wrong or evil and set things right, as in the case where Christ was angry (Matthew:21:12-14 [12] And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,
[13] And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.
[14] And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple; and he healed them.). But God also tells us, "A quick-tempered man acts foolishly" (Proverbs:14:17He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.).
The relationship that you have with your children can be one of life's greatest blessings. If you want to be wise in your responsibility of caring for them, learn to manage your anger. You both will be happier when you are in control of your emotions.
Linda LaBissoniere, M.Ed., licensed counselor

• Character
• anger
• child rearing
• children
• Christian Living
• How can I improve my marriage and family life? What does God say about marriage and sex?
• Parenting
• relationship
• Relationships
• Marriage and Family

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World News and Trends: Marriage and money; divorce and debt

article by Jerold Aust, John Ross Schroeder

Could marriage actually lead to being more wealthy?

Many studies have documented the benefits of marriage. But who would have thought that marriage actually promotes wealth? And who would have thought that divorce brings on poverty?
"Marrying for money, it turns out, works. A study by an Ohio State University researcher shows that a person who marries—and stays married—accumulates nearly twice as much personal wealth as a person who is single or divorced. And for those who divorce, it's a bit more expensive than giving up half of everything they own. They lose, on average, three-fourths of their personal net worth" (Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Jan. 18).
In spite of criticism of marriage as an outmoded institution, and people's growing willingness to divorce (or never marry in the first place), the facts speak for themselves. Perhaps society should take an unbiased look at the Bible. It tells us that God encourages marriage, and for a number of good reasons: procreation, sharing, service, sacrifice and building our children's future, to name a few.
Now we discover that marriage also pays off financially. No wonder Proverbs:18:22Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. tells us, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." To learn more about the blessings marriage brings, request our free booklet Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension . (Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer.)

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Why Are Young Christians Divorcing?

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article by Mitchell Moss

Just a few short years ago she was dressed in a long white dress and he in a tuxedo, confetti was flying, and everyone was cheering and celebrating the wedding. Now they're living separately and may even divorce. No one thought this could happen - least of all them.

Source: Thinkstock

It's sad to see any marriage run into trouble and break up. But it's a particularly sad phenomenon that an increasing number of married young adults who have been born and raised with the teachings of the Bible have begun having serious marital problems. Anecdotally, I know of a few who have even divorced. You probably know of some yourself.
What's going on in such situations? When two lives commit to become one in marriage there will be big adjustments. But are those in today's Millennial generation—those in their teens and 20s—dealing with a particular mindset and set of expectations harmful to lasting marriages?

Great expectations and the big lie

Our modern Western culture teaches us that to have a good life, we must reach for the stars, pursue our dreams and be all that we can be. It says that for us to be happy at the end of our lives, we have to be able to look back and see that we've tried everything that seems good and pursued every dream and opportunity to its fullest. In other words, the ultimate goal of life is the self-fulfillment of our own desires, wants and dreams—to have checked off everything on our "bucket list."
My generation—those now in their 20s and getting married—has been bred with the lie that self-fulfillment is the ultimate and highest attainable goal in life, and therefore by extension that love—the kind you fall into—exists to give us what we need and want. Therefore a good marriage is one where both parties get what they need.
We may not even realize what has happened to our thinking and values. We've been taught to think in a self-centered way as we pursue the ideals of the well-lived life. We rationalize that "of course God wants me to be happy," while we kick the can of responsibility down the road just a little longer.
This belief in self-fulfillment pervades our generation so deeply that it's almost as if it were in our blood. But in that version of attaining happiness, marriage is downgraded to only a part of the fulfilled life—another contributing factor to one's own personal fulfillment.

Extended adolescence

Concurrent with the rise and acceptance of this pursuit of self-fulfillment is the increasing delay of maturity—the extended period of adolescence.
Today many people delay marrying until their 30s, using their 20s as the decade to check off as many things as possible on the list before reality sets in and responsibility drags them down. The attitude could be summed up as, "Getting married at 22 seems an awful lot like leaving the party at 9:00 p.m." The "party" is the pursuit of both self-fulfillment and romantic/sexual experience.
Taken together, the quest for self-fulfillment and the extended adolescence intertwine into an idea that one should experience as much as he can while he's single, so that he can get a sense of what he values and who he is and therefore have a better chance at finding "the one."
"The one" is the person who will make him happy and whom, theoretically, he will make happy. They will be highly compatible. Their chemistry will be undeniable. Their love will come easily and naturally— so easily that all that will be required is for them to fall into it.

Finding "the one"—or not

Regrettably, "the one" is a lie handed down by Plato and Greek mythology that makes individual choice only a bystander in the drama of dating in order to find the one with whom it all "just clicks."
In that drama, however, there is real danger that the moment trouble arises (their love doesn't come so easily or their points of view don't align perfectly or their respective bucket lists change or their personalities change or whatever it may be), both parties can't help but wonder, "If this is so hard, maybe I married someone other than the one for me."
Then perhaps one of them meets somebody else who seems to be more compatible —whom he or she identifies with more and "clicks with" better—and getting to know that person the sinking feeling sets in that "I married the wrong person."
The final stage is when you hear, "It didn't work out"—as if "it" was the problem. "It" is never the problem—the people involved caused the problem.

True love isn't focused on self

But true love is not the pursuit of fulfilling one's own needs, wants and desires. True love is a sacrificing of one's own life for another. It is putting one's own wants, needs and desires in second place (or third, or fourth, or farther down the line).
Marriage is a commitment each of us makes to our Creator and our spouse. Marriage partners are "to be heirs together of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
See All...). In other words, we are to work together to help each other attain our ultimate goal of God's Kingdom (Matthew 6:33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
See All...).
We are to encourage and help each other to succeed in this life's endeavors, but with that to grow in grace and knowledge so that we can stand before Jesus Christ at His return (Luke 21:36Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.
See All...). To do this we set aside self-fulfillment in favor of what the other needs.
It involves making one's life the definition of service in living for the other. It entails setting aside childish shortcomings, avoidance of responsibility and foolish distractions and striving to emulate the perfect love and example of Jesus Christ.
To be clear, by no means do I recommend that we shouldn't experience life to its fullest, that we shouldn't pursue our dreams or that we shouldn't seek self-fulfillment. Nor do I mean that we shouldn't find out through dating what type of person will make a happy, fulfilling marriage the most likely for both parties. Or that we shouldn't have a list of goals to pursue and live to our fullest potential with the talents God has given us.
I don't mean to imply any of that. None of the things mentioned are bad or good in and by themselves. Knowing firmly who you are and finding a compatible person with whom to share your life makes the Christian walk much more enjoyable and fulfilling.

Finding a truly fulfilling life

To live a truly fulfilled life is to look back at the end of it and see that more of your time was spent serving God than not—that you sacrificed your needs and desires and dreams in deference to His will and the needs of His children, having made your life the definition of service.
We do not exist to check off the bucket list and to look back and think, "Wow, what a self-fulfilled life I've had!" It is not our destiny to live a personally satisfying life and then die. Nor is it to marry the person who makes us happy until he or she doesn't anymore and then find somebody else.
No, we exist to become like God the Father and Jesus Christ in their loving character. We exist to learn what true love is—an outgoing, service-minded devotion and care—and to exercise that love toward all of God's children. In marriage, it is to put personal needs, desires and dreams in third place behind those of God and one's spouse. It means making the hard decision not to do what feels good, but to instead do what's right.
We exist to look back and say, "Wow, I would've never dreamed of how much God used me to fulfill His purpose!" May this focus guide you in marriage and in all of life!

[Read the article: Love Is Something That We Do ]

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Vertical News: Statistics Find Cohabiting Couples More Likely to Split

   

article by Amanda Stiver

Marriage commitment is key to stronger families.

Source: sxc.hu/omar_franc

Research by the Marriage Foundation and the University of Lincoln in England reveal that unmarried couples are four times more likely to split than married couples.
5.3 percent of cohabiting relationships end each year (2009 to 2012) in comparison to 1.3 percent of married couples, both among couples with children under sixteen years old.
Experts admit that this goes against the standard assumption that low income and poor education result in broken homes, especially as education rates increase. Clearly another element has been at work, and cohabiting appears to be it (Steve Doughty, “Most Family Break-ups Involve Unmarried Parents: Co-habiting Couples Four Times as Likely to Separate,” DailyMail.co.uk, December 1, 2013).
God created the institution of marriage with the first married couple (Genesis 2:18-25 [18] And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
[19] And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
[20] And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
[21] And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
[22] And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
[23] And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
[24] Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
[25] And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

See All...), Adam and Eve. Although many people choose to reject it as a blessed command from God, it provides what cohabiting does not—a fundamental commitment. The value of this commitment shouldn’t be overlooked, even by those who follow God’s way. Commitment is a natural, healthy part of living a full human life.
Committing to marriage and working through imperfections in both husband and wife are a part of the growing process. Cohabiting doesn’t provide that very vital commitment that helps people to persevere through rough times. Love is a miracle, but it isn’t magic and does require effort and dedication.

"Divorce In My Generation of Believers" or "The Lie of the Self-Fulfilled Life"

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"Divorce In My Generation of Believers" or "The Lie of the Self-Fulfilled Life"


by Mitchell Moss

It’s a particularly sad phenomenon that Church kids—young people who have been born and raised with the teachings of the Bible—have begun having serious marital problems. Anecdotally, I know of a few who have even divorced. You probably know of some yourself.



Do you think it's possible that the reason is because our culture has taught us that to have a good life, we must reach for the stars, pursue our dreams and be all that we can be? That in order for us to be happy at the end of our lives, we have to be able to look back and see that we've tried everything that seems good and pursued every dream and opportunity to its fullest? In other words, that the ultimate goal of life is the self-fulfillment of our own desires, wants and dreams—to have checked off everything on our “bucket list.”



My generation has been bred with the lie that self-fulfillment is the ultimate and highest attainable goal in life, and therefore by extension that love—the kind you fall into—exists to give us what we need and want. That a good marriage is one where both parties get what they need. We may not even realize it as we pursue the ideals of the well-lived life. We rationalize that “of course God wants me to be happy,” all while we kick the can of responsibility down the road just a little longer.



This belief in self-fulfillment pervades our generation so deeply that it's almost as if it were in our blood. But in that version of attaining happiness, marriage is downgraded to become only a part of the fulfilled life—another contributing factor to my own fulfillment.



Marriage as Seen Through a Distorted Lens

Concurrent with the rise and acceptance of this pursuit of self-fulfillment is the delay of maturity: the extended period of adolescence. People delay marrying until their 30s, using their 20s as the decade to check off as many things as possible on the list before reality sets in and responsibility drags them down. “Getting married at 22 seems an awful lot like leaving the party at 9:00 p.m.” The party is both the party of self-fulfillment as well as romantic/sexual experience.



Taken together, the pursuit of self-fulfillment and the extended adolescence twist together into an idea that one should experience as much as he can while he's single, so that he can get a sense of what he values, who he is and therefore have a better chance at finding “the one.”



“The one” is the person who will make him happy. By extension, theoretically, he is the one who will make her happy. They will be highly compatible. Their chemistry will be undeniable. Their love will come easily and naturally—so easily that all that will be required is for them to fall into it.



Unfortunately, “the one” is a lie handed down by Plato and Greek mythology that makes individual choice only a bystander in the drama of dating in order to find the one with whom it all “just clicks.” In that drama, however, there is real danger that the moment trouble arises (or their love doesn’t come so easily or their points of view don’t align perfectly or their respective bucket lists change or their personalities change or…), both parties can’t help but wonder, “If this is so hard, maybe I married someone other than the one for me.” Then perhaps one of them meets somebody else who seems to be more compatible with them, who they identify with more and who they “click with” better, and as they get to know that person, the sinking feeling sets in that “I married the wrong person.”



But true love is not a fulfillment of my own needs, wants and desires. True love is a sacrificing of my own life for that of another. It is putting my own wants, needs and desires in second place (or third, or fourth, or…). Marriage is a commitment I make to my wife to hold her accountable to God, to encourage her to succeed, and to eschew what I need and want for my own self-fulfillment in favor of what she needs. It is to make my life the definition of service in the way I live it for her (Matthew 20:28Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.



See All...). It is to set aside my childish shortcomings, lack of responsibility and foolish distractions, and to become a more perfect Christian so that we both become stronger in the perfect love of Jesus Christ (1 Timothy 4:12Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.



See All...).



The Truly Fulfilled Life

To be clear, by no means do I recommend that we shouldn’t experience life to its fullest. That we shouldn’t pursue our dreams or that we shouldn’t seek self-fulfillment. That we shouldn’t find out through dating what type of person will make a happy, fulfilling marriage the most likely for both parties. That we shouldn’t have a list of goals to pursue and live to our fullest potential with the talents God’s given us.



I don’t mean to imply any of those things. None of those things are bad or good in and by themselves. Knowing firmly who you are and finding a compatible mate makes the Christian walk much more pleasant. Traveling to experience the world widens our perspective and helps us identify with more people in their vastly differing living conditions and cultural backgrounds.



To live a truly fulfilled life is to look back at the end of it and see that more of your time was spent serving God than not; sacrificing your needs and wants and desires and dreams in deference to His. To have put yours in second place (or third, or fourth, or…) after the needs of His children. To have made your life the definition of service (Galatians 5:13-14 [13] For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

[14] For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.





See All...).



We do not exist to check off the bucket list and to look back and think “Wow, what a self-fulfilled life I've had.” It is not our destiny to live a personally satisfying life then die. It is not to marry the person who makes us happy until they don’t anymore and then find somebody else. It is not to travel the world and make memories (Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 [10] And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour.

[11] Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought, and on the labour that I had laboured to do: and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun.





See All...).



No, we exist to become more perfect like Jesus Christ. We exist to learn what true love is—an outgoing, service-minded love—and to exercise that love toward all of God’s children (Ephesians 5:1-2 [1] Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;

[2] And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.





See All...). In marriage, it is to put my own wants, desires, needs and dreams in third place behind those of God and those of my spouse (Ephesians 5:28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.



See All...). It is to grow in grace and knowledge (2 Peter 3:18But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.



See All...). It is to make the hard decision not to do what feels good, but instead to do what’s right.



We exist to look back and say “Wow, I would have never dreamed of how much God used me to fulfill His purpose.”







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Modesty

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Modesty




article by Robert Berendt



Are you modest in the sight of God and man?



The dictionary defines modesty as the quality or fact of being modest. Being modest is defined as restrained by a sense of seemliness; unobtrusive; unpretentious; unassuming; decent, chaste, pure, and delicate as in thoughts or language; not excessive or extreme; moderate. All of these words can further be defined and broken down in various ways – but all point to a care of dress and behavior that reflects good character. Modesty is defined in different ways in different cultures, so the normal guideline is taken by the culture a person is living in. Anything that would be offensive to those around you could be defined as immodest, even though in your own land, that may not be the case. One example is a land and culture where women wear a veilin public. A woman coming from the United States or Canada could be seen as immodest (though in some cases veils have a religious significance, which is a slightly different situation) if she refuses to show some deference to that custom of the land. Modesty is a word that defines the appearance and behavior of men as well as women. The principles are the same, and appreciation for that quality of character is universal.

Modesty applies to rich and poor alike and reflects a frame of mind that is shown by one’s appearance and conduct. The usual Bible verse cited as a guideline is 1 Timothy 2:9-10 [9] In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

[10] But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.



See All.... Paul had been addressing men and then states, “in like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing” (New King James Version). The guidelines apply to men as well as women, and there was a time when men placed a high value on clothes that were fancy; some referred to them as “dandies.” The key to Paul’s comments is “which is proper for women professing godliness.” That is what Christians are to reflect in their actions. Paul went on to say that we need to learn how to conduct ourselves in the house of God (1 Timothy 3:15But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.

See All...). That is a great responsibility, and one we must not treat lightly. Converted people are called “children of God,” and children carry the name and reputation of their parents wherever they go and whatever they do.

Standards

Standards of modesty are not clearly defined in our society, and since there may be a mixture of tastes and cultures that play a role in defining modesty for any person, we ought to be cautious not to condemn something by standards that we have designed. Those standards are usually our own. For example, God does not give an exact measure for the length of a skirt, though the Bible does state that exposing the thigh is more than just unseemly. Isaiah called it a shame (Isaiah 47:1-3 [1] Come down, and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground: there is no throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans: for thou shalt no more be called tender and delicate.

[2] Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover thy locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers.

[3] Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.



See All...). The clothes we wear may be provocative – that differs from being acceptable. The words of Isaiah ought to put the followers of Jesus Christ on guard. Modesty indicates purity of social position; immodesty indicates the opposite.

Proverbs 8:12I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions.

See All... carries some good advice. “I, wisdom, dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge and discretion.” Words like prudence and discretion reveal that there is thought behind our actions. We carry a great responsibility if we are considered to be citizens of God’s kingdom. Proverbs 2:10-13 [10] When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul;

[11] Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee:

[12] To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things;

[13] Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness;



See All... explains that wisdom and knowledge are pleasant to the soul and discretion will preserve you. Proverbs 5 is a whole chapter that advises a man to be satisfied with his own wife and to be on guard for one who is immoral. Proverbs 6:25-29 [25] Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

[26] For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.

[27] Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?

[28] Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?

[29] So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.



See All... carries a stern warning of disaster to one who is seduced by that which seems exciting and sweet, but in God’s terms is bitter and sour. It is possible to appreciate beauty without coveting that which is beautiful. Handsome men and beautiful women are not a curse on this earth – misuse of beautiful things is the source of the curses that may come. We need oxygen to live, but too much oxygen can kill us. We need food to live, but eating indiscriminately can lead to poor health and an early grave.

Peter tells Christians to be clothed with humility (1 Peter 5:5Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

See All...). That is an attitude of mind reflected in how we walk, how we dress, and how we speak. Humility does not allow a person to strive to outshine others by fancier clothing and hairstyles, bigger and gaudier tattoos (the Bible tells us not to tattoo ourselves – Leviticus 19:28Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

See All...), using a loud strident voice to be heard or doing things just to be noticed. When the mind is clothed in humility, the appearance and conduct of a person reflects that mental state. It may be that a person can appear to act or dress immodestly and yet not be conscious of it. At that moment, it is the thought in the mind of another that defines modesty. There is a time when it is acceptable to be stark naked (in the shower or bath, for example). Nobody is there to decide whether you are being modest or not. The closeness of husband and wife is another time where modesty has a different meaning. Going into public wearing that which the public considers modest is where our greatest concerns need to be exercised. Wearing a bikini or tiny male bathing suit in a shopping mall is an extreme that all of us would recognize. Though our tastes in color, style and quantity of skin that is revealed may differ, there are extremes that we would all agree upon. Condemning another person by our own standards is an act that may also reflect a lack of humility. Condoning behavior that is rude, vulgar or unseemly is not right either. Care needs to be taken in judgment and declaration of the modesty, or lack of it, in another person.

The male and female minds differ in what they perceive. A man is attracted and provoked by what he sees in a different way than a woman. Women sometimes do not understand what thoughts they stir in the minds of men by the way they walk and dress. Attracting another person can be defined in a negative or in a positive way. That is where wisdom and intent enter the picture. Paul has much to say about intent and effect. He tells us not to dispute over doubtful things (Romans 14:1Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.

See All...) and to be careful we do not put a stumbling block before our brothers by our judgments and demands (Romans 14:10-18 [10] But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

[11] For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.

[12] So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

[13] Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.

[14] I know, and am persuaded by the Lord Jesus, that there is nothing unclean of itself: but to him that esteemeth any thing to be unclean, to him it is unclean.

[15] But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat, now walkest thou not charitably. Destroy not him with thy meat, for whom Christ died.

[16] Let not then your good be evil spoken of:

[17] For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.

[18] For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God, and approved of men.



See All...). He goes on to say that we ought not engage in any activity that could cause a brother to stumble, be offended or made weak (Romans 14:21It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.

See All...). To the Corinthians Paul stated, “Give no offense, either to the Jews, or to the Greeks or to the church of God” (1 Corinthians 10:32Give none offence, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God:

See All...). He also said the church membership with Godly guidance was to judge for itself that which would be considered appropriate in matters of modesty. Let us conduct ourselves with modesty so that others do not find us offensive. In doing that we please God, and that, after all, is what really counts.

For more information about living according to God’s standards, go through the 12 lesson Bible Study Course .

Married to Christ

From http://el-paso.ucg.org/  or call 1-888-886-8632.

Married to Christ






article by Peter Eddington





Having attended several weddings already this year, I was reminded of what marriage between a man and a woman pictures—it’s a vision of Christ and the Church.







Source: Stock.Xchng/segundoIt’s summer here in the Northern Hemisphere—and love is in the air with numerous wedding celebrations going on!



Having attended several weddings already this year, I was reminded of what marriage between a man and a woman pictures—it’s a vision of Christ and the Church.



It’s amazing to consider: Our human marriages are a type of Christ and the Church. A marriage between a man and a woman is something that is designed and ordained by God. No man or civil government can change that marriage vow into some other kind of relationship—than that between a male and a female!



“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church” (Ephesians 5:31-32 [31] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

[32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.





See All...).



As revealed in Revelation 19, at Christ’s return those who are betrothed to Him will then go through a wedding celebration. Glorified as spirit beings they will be made perfect and will never sin again—having God’s laws ingrained perfectly into their character—continuing in unbroken oneness with Jesus Christ thereafter.



Our Awesome Destiny

This is our destiny, this is our inheritance! This is the culmination and fullness of the New Covenant marriage—and God intends to offer this marriage relationship to all human beings—to all who will ultimately agree to surrender themselves to Him and be spiritually transformed.



When Jesus returns and joins into the fullness of marriage with His Church, He will then extend His engagement proposal to all mankind alive at that time. And as all of mankind is offered this relationship, and as a great majority of humans accept it, peace will extend to encompass the earth—all under the rule of Christ and His perfected saints.



We are fast approaching the Feast of Trumpets and the Day of Atonement, to be followed by the Feast of Tabernacles. More than any other time of year we thus focus on Jesus’ return to wed His bride. At the sound of the seventh trumpet we will be raised to spirit life, and as Jesus’ millennial rule unfolds across our planet, millions and millions of human beings will be offered salvation, and they too will join the family of God.



When two people exchange wedding vows, they make a lifelong commitment. Likewise, our commitment to God should not be taken lightly or maintained only when we feel like it. God does not advocate only occasional bursts of loyalty and obedience to Him whenever it is convenient for us.



Remember Your Name

We are betrothed to Jesus Christ, and He will remember us each by name. In the book Actions Speak Louder Than Verbs Herb Miller recounts an illustration from World War II:



“While visiting in Leningrad, a woman heard the story of 900,000 people who perished in the long siege of Leningrad during World War II. At one point they were trying to save the children from both the Nazis and starvation—so they placed them on trucks to cross a frozen lake to safer locations. Many of the mothers, sure that they would never see their children again, yelled to them as they got on the trucks, “Remember your name. Remember your name” (Herb Miller. Actions Speak Louder Than Verbs. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1989, p. 103).



When baptized, we commit ourselves to faithfully remember who we are. We are now betrothed to Christ. We are now God’s children. We show our commitment of who we are by living our lives in such a way that we bear fruit in keeping with repentance.



If we continue to show the fruits of God’s way, being led by the Holy Spirit, God will never forget who we are. He entered into a special covenant with us at baptism. And thus, we work diligently to follow Him in all that we do. “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? [Not very likely!] Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” says God (Isaiah 49:15Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.



See All... NIV).



God will never leave us or forsake us. He will remember our name. And, as long as we are genuinely repentant, striving to put sin out of our life, we can be assured of our marriage with the Lamb of God upon His return.



As we approach the next season of Holy Days, let’s be reminded to keep up our end of the marriage covenant—and prepare to be a spirit being in God’s family.

.

The Backstory to "5 Keys to a Happy Marriage"

From http://el-paso.ucg.org/  or call 1-888-886-8632.

The Backstory to "5 Keys to a Happy Marriage"

by Jerold Aust

 My first thought in writing "5 Keys to a Happy Marriage " was that I didn't want to duplicate my previous articles. I deliberately chose a simplistic thesis and five practical points that apply to marriage. Here's the backstory to "5 Keys to a Happy Marriage ."

The article is based on my marriage of 49 years and a combination of marriage counselings that I conducted over decades.



Point number one highlights the differences between infatuation and true love. Dr. Pat Love ( The Truth About Love, 2001) wrote a groundbreaking book about the stepwise progression from infatuation, to post-rapture, to true love. Many married couples don't know these naturally occurring steps in a marriage, otherwise you wouldn't hear this lament: "I think I just fell out of love."



Next I added three endearing responses that I've used over the years in our marriage: "Please," "I'm sorry," and "Thank you." These might seem inconsequential, but they can make a big difference in your marriage. Universally men assume they're weak to verbalize these thoughts. The opposite is true: Real men lead with humility. Jesus did (Philippians 2:2-8).



Good marital communication says, "I care." I learned this in my graduate communication studies. If you were in our home, you would hear me say, "I hear you," "I'm listening," or "I understand," not because I'm bored, but because I want to confirm that I'm listening.



Patience sustains life (Luke 21:19In your patience possess ye your souls.



See All...). Understanding patience turns the corner from the excitement of infatuation to the deliberate application of true love (Ephesians 5:25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;



See All...). The love cocktail brings a man and woman together, but honeymoons don't last forever. The honeymoon automatically transitions into the reality of everyday living, where we accept shortcomings once overlooked. Marriage, like life, advises this axiom: Growing older includes growing up.



Reviving one's marriage is vitally important. Some couples do this easily: They go dancing, go to athletic events, the gym, a movie, or plan a date once a week.



A happy marriage is directly related to personal sacrifice. "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.



See All...). God's marriage plan works. We must work His plan to reap the benefits.



Thanks for reading and applying the godly principles of The Good News . May your marriage be as happy as God intended!







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A Civil Discussion About Gay Marriage

From http://el-paso.ucg.org/  or call 1-888-886-8632.

A Civil Discussion About Gay Marriage

 by Heather Disher

I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has felt overwhelmed and confused by the intense and dramatic language often used by friends dabbling in “Gay Rights” Activism. The controversy about “gay marriage” has stirred up and divided friends, families, and churches lately. I have often felt at a loss for words when trying to have a respectful discussion, as I sorted out the many disjointed and forcefully presented arguments. My hope is to help you to feel competent and calm in your own respectful discussions with your friends, family or coworkers.



Enough With the Emotive Appeals

If an argument is to be valid, it must stand without emotive appeals. Rhetorical questions such as “Why shouldn’t two people be able to spend their lives together if they love each other?” pull our heartstrings, but do not speak at all to the actual issue. Is it valid to suggest that the law, as it exists today, prohibits people from “spending their lives together” as a same sex couple? No. Civil Unions already exist and DO allow people to spend their lives together. A marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. A Civil Union is a contract between two adults and a civil authority. So already, by definition, even the term “gay marriage” is indefensible. Asking the government to let you get married is like asking the Post Office for a library card: You are asking the wrong authority, it’s not even within their power to grant your request.



Social Acceptance

An unspoken argument that is raging under the surface is for acceptance of the GLBT lifestyle as equal to the heterosexual lifestyle in the realms of daily life and by society at large. Activists hope that "legalizing gay marriage” would push it outside of the realm of “alternative” and into normalcy. On a personal level, it would mean acceptance by parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, the PTA and the little league team. However, the government can only create and enforce legislation, it cannot change people’s personal beliefs. Not to mention, the First Amendment protects free speech, even when controversial. The key here is “Your right to extend your arm stops at my nose.” A person can change his own beliefs and his own behavior, but cannot force his expectations on others.



Many will muddy this issue by linking it to violence, discrimination, or other crimes against gay people. This is also not a valid argument. Gay people already have rights. They are already citizens. If those rights are not respected, there are already laws in place to protect them and punish the guilty parties. If these laws are not upheld, that is an issue of enforcement, not legislation.



Religious Acceptance

This is another argument that is often unspoken, but is at the core of the issue. Activists want churches and synagogues—and by extension, God—to proclaim acceptance of the gay lifestyle as a moral imperative. Arguments may present a confusing dissonance of morality, claiming that “love” and “acceptance” are the same. You may have heard something similar to this: “If God is love, He must love everyone, and to love everyone, He must accept them no matter what.” So either God is wrong [because He says He is love but doesn’t love and accept homosexuality], or Christians are wrong [because they say that God doesn’t love and accept homosexuality when He actually does].”This argument catches many off guard, but its fundamental premise is flawed. “Love” and “acceptance” are not synonyms. God’s love for us is a selfless love, and when He defines an action as sin, it is because it is harmful. God can love a person without accepting their actions. There are already many resources on ucg.org that would be helpful in refuting claims that homosexuality is biblically acceptable, or in any way righteous in God’s sight. Again, legislation would not, could not change the teachings of the Bible or the beliefs of Christians.



Property Rights

When you get down to it, all of the flowery speech about love, devotion and equality distracts from the facts. The inflammatory news items of late have generated from issues of property rights. This is where any possibility exists for government legislation. The only practical discussion about “gay marriage” would be this: Should the government recognize Civil Unions as it does marriage: with tax credits, next of kin rights, and other laws governing money and property?



Some would say yes, because our government should represent its people, and protect their rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We live in a carnal world, and even if the law stayed as it is, our government and our population is already far from righteous.



On the other hand, history is made up of critical moments that can turn future events on their heads. Is this debate on “gay marriage” such a critical moment? Is it possible that if enough people learned God’s truth and sought Him that America as a whole could turn and repent?



I choose to be optimistic. That is why it is so important for you and I to be informed, to be logical, to be competent in thought and discussion. Because changing hearts and minds is what we are here for. All of us have been rescued from sin, and who knows what the impact of your words could be for someone else?



So if you find yourself in the middle of a heated discussion, remember: Be logical. Be clear. Ask questions to find out what is driving your friend’s argument. And above all, remember Proverbs 11:9An hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth his neighbour: but through knowledge shall the just be delivered.



See All.... “With their words, the godless destroy their friends, but knowledge will rescue the righteous.”







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Language For The Culture Wars

From http://el-paso.ucg.org/  or call 1-888-886-8632.

Language For The Culture Wars


by Darris McNeely




Source: Martin Strachoň / Wikimedia CommonsChange the terms, remove the stigma of shame, and all behavior is equal. That's what is happening with two critical issues today.



Last night I was watching Bill O'Reilly on Fox News. He was discussing the culture wars and specifically why traditional voices are losing the battle on two key issues: abortion and same-sex marriage. Since I am not a regular viewer of the program, but am always watching the ongoing culture wars, I stopped to hear what he had to say.



On the subject of abortion, he brought up a key fact I did not know. Science, he said, has confirmed that at the moment of conception in the female, human DNA is present. That being the case, there is a "human presence" from that instant. We are then talking about life and what will eventually develop into a distinct human throughout nine months of gestation.



This is consistent with our stand on abortion here at Beyond Today. Life begins at conception. Abortion is the taking of human life. Abortion is murder. We covered this in a recent Beyond today program entitled, The Sanctity of Life . O'Reilly even showed recent polls indicating more people are pro-life today than just a few years ago.



The terms used in the abortion debate have completely altered the reality of what is being done. Call the unborn child "fetal tissue" and you depersonalize the matter. Argue for "women's rights" and you ignore the right of the child. Hide the destruction of human life behind the term "pro choice" and you don't have to worry about guilt. Change the terms and there is no sin.



The second half of the discussion dealt with same-sex marriage. Here, the "Bible thumpers" are losing the argument, he said, and I totally agree with him—and I am a Bible thumper. I concede that this argument is over in America. Polls show a majority of people accept that gays and lesbians are due equal rights when it comes to marriage. Recent arguments before the United States Supreme Court seek to establish as a constitutional right and at the same time redefine the traditional definition of marriage. They seek the overturning of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).



My colleague here at Beyond Today Media, Mitchell Moss , has been writing on the subject of same-sex marriage and attracting a bit of attention for the effort. We are discussing these hot subjects with fascination. American culture has radically changed in the past ten years. It became very clear after the elections of last November that the nation has passed a point in tolerance for personal morality that was once considered sin.



I fully understand the arguments being made for same sex-marriage are in the civil arena. The Biblical or religious morality of the issue is not even admitted into the debate. It is an unfortunate reality that no Supreme Court justice is going to ask that a friend of the court briefing from the writings of the Apostle Paul on homosexuality be admitted for the justices to consider (what an interesting thought—best saved for another blog post).



However, being a "Bible thumper," I am concerned. That the Biblical view has been pushed out of the public discussion is a bad omen for the future. Make no mistake, the Bible condemns homosexual behavior in clear terms. The Bible also condemns adulterous behavior between heterosexual couples. It also condemns fornication (a completely unknown term to most today), which is sex outside of the marriage covenant. Lastly, the Bible gives clear teaching that marriage between a man and a woman is God's original intent. It does not take a Bible scholar to read the book and understand all the above, despite the ignorant and misinformed ideas to the contrary!



This Bible thumper has diminishing patience for the lack of clear thinking founded upon a Biblical morality. That same book has something to say about the patience God has for a nation saturated in sin—another unknown term for a modern world.

Life Lessons: Three Traits to Avoid when Looking for a Husband

From http://el-paso.ucg.org/  or call 1-888-886-8632.

Life Lessons: Three Traits to Avoid when Looking for a Husband


by Gary Petty






Source: Photos.comWhen my daughters were teens I told them to be particularly aware of three traits in a boy because these traits influence what kind of man he would become.



Points to build on

1. How does he treat his parents?



Proverbs 19:26He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach.



See All... "He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach."



Proverbs 28:24Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, It is no transgression; the same is the companion of a destroyer.



See All... "Whoever robs his father or his mother, And says, 'It is no transgression,' The same is companion to a destroyer."



Proverbs 30:17The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.



See All... "They eye that mocks his father, And scorns obedience to his mother, The ravens of the valley will pick it out, And the young eagles will eat it."



2. Is he cruel to animals?



Proverbs 12:10A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.



See All... "The righteous man regards the life of his animal, but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."



3. How does he treat those whom he sees as weaker than himself?



Proverbs 14:31He that oppresseth the poor reproacheth his Maker: but he that honoureth him hath mercy on the poor.



See All... "He who oppresses the poor reproaches his Maker, But he who honors Him has mercy on the needy."



Application

These principles apply to any woman looking for a good husband. No matter how attractive, charming or rich a man may be, if he mistreats his parents; is cruel to animals; and oppresses those who he sees as weak he will do the same to his wife and children.







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More Than a Feeling Do you know what it means to demonstrate real love?

From http://el-paso.ucg.org/  or call 1-888-886-8632.

More Than a Feeling

article by Katherine Rowland





Do you know what it means to demonstrate real love?







Source: clipart.comThe command that we love one another is nothing new to those who read the Bible on a regular basis. Typing the word "love" into the search box at Bible Gateway brings back 329 results in the New King James Version. We are told to love God, to love His commands, to love one another. In John 15:12This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.



See All..., Jesus says, “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” In John 13:35By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.



See All..., He stated, "”By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”



What do we think of when we think of love? For many of us, perhaps the first thing that comes to mind is falling in love: a special person that we come to adore. For most of us, thinking about love prompts us to think about a feeling, a tenderness of heart, a smile when we think of that person. We desire that person’s well-being. We want them to succeed. We want good things to come their way. But is there more to it?



I think there is. In John 14:15If ye love me, keep my commandments.



See All..., Jesus says, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” The indication here is that there is far more involved than simply feeling loving: that love should motivate us to do something, to keep His commandments. There is action involved. It is no surprise, then, that throughout the New Testament the concept of concern and love for our brethren is closely linked to service, to doing something about their needs. Christ, after all, loved us in far more than just feeling: He gave His life for us. He said, in John 15:13Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.



See All..., “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”



In Romans 12:9Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.



See All..., Paul writes, “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.” In Hebrews 10:24And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:



See All..., Paul instructs us to “...consider one another in order to stir up love and good works...”



In 1 John 3:16Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.



See All..., these ideas are solidified. John writes, “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” Likewise, James--linking faith and works--wrote in James 2:15If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,



See All..., "If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them,“Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,’ but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?”



Loving others – especially the household of faith (Galatians 6:10As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.



See All...), but by extension all mankind – is a matter of deeds, then, and not just feelings or words. We are called to follow Christ’s example, not by necessarily dying for someone else, but by daily choosing to lay down a part of our lives for someone else. When we love in deed, it means that we choose to give up something we would rather be doing at the moment to come to the aid of someone else. We give up looking after our own needs in order to espy the needs of others. We give of our energy, time, money, and goods in order to ease the burden of another person. And if we are following Christ’s example, that other person is likely to be someone who doesn't look as though they “deserve” our sacrifice. After all, Christ died for us “while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.



See All...). None of us deserve His sacrifice. In like manner, we must be careful to serve all in love, not just the people we like. James 2:9But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.



See All... tells us that showing partiality is sin.



When we love our fellow man, we demonstrate to God not just our understanding of His word but our understanding of how He thinks. We demonstrate, too, a desire to please Him above pleasing ourselves, and we gain His approval by our conduct. In Hebrews 13:16But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.



See All... Paul writes that we ought not “...forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” In 1 John 3:14We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.



See All... we read, “We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren.”



Let us continue to grow in love towards our brethren and towards all mankind. In doing so, let us remember not to simply rely on feeling loving, but also on performing acts of love, that our faith may be demonstrated not so much in our profession as in our action. Let us remember to lay down our lives daily for the sake of our brethren in the same way that our Lord and Savior laid down His life for us before we knew Him or could love Him. Let us make our love more than a feeling, but rather the hard evidence of what we believe.



For more information on the Sabbath, read the Bible study guide: You Can Have Living Faith .

.

What Does It Mean To "Despise Your Youth?"

From http://el-paso.ucg.org/  or call 1-888-886-8632.

What Does It Mean To "Despise Your Youth?"

article by J'Non Whitlark





Paul wrote to Timothy, "Let no one despise your youth." What does that mean for the young Christian today?







Source: ThinkStock/iStockphotoIs there anything more wonderful than being young, full of energy and strength, experiencing the excitement of first discoveries? “Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth,” we read in Ecclesiastes 11:9Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.



See All.... What a beautiful image that is to think of: a young man or woman, enjoying life to the fullest, with nothing but optimism and excitement for the future.



It’s no wonder that youth, with its glow of vitality, is often revered as a time set aside for having fun and testing our limits before we’re tied down with the responsibilities of marriage and families of our own. But God didn’t intend for there to be disposable time in our lives, even though Satan does try his best to convince us that youth was made for wasting. Are we in God’s Church swayed by the prevailing winds of self-entitlement and self-indulgence that sweep through our culture? We need to know where we stand, because the stakes are actually quite high. Many of the choices we make at 12, 16 and 25 can have a negative or positiveimpact on us and those we love for the rest of our lives.



A Letter to Timothy—and to Us

Paul told Timothy, “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.



See All...).



It seems at first to be an odd thing to say, since we don’t have control over what others might think about us. It seems at first that Timothy is a victim of age discrimination, but what Paul was saying is that Timothy should behave in such a way that no one could reasonably despise his youth. He was to act with greater maturity, with greater wisdom, actively exercising the Holy Spirit he had received through the laying on of hands. He was to be a teacher. As such, it was unacceptable for him to use his youth as a time to spend focused on seeking his own pleasures. It was unacceptable for him to be willingly ignorant of God’s expectations of him, love for him, and his job of ministering to God’s people.



Being young is not a license to act stupidly or experiment with destructive behaviors. Nor to be foolish, though Satan certainly uses popular culture to imply otherwise. All of us make bad choices and decisions—spiritually mature adults included. But often when we’re young, our spiritual inexperience and desire to be accepted by our peers makes us more vulnerable. The world around us shows youth and beauty as a license for hedonism, where nothing is to be denied. It affects us physically through the food and drink we consume to excess, financially through credit we can’t manage, sexually and emotionally in relationships focused on pleasure instead of God the Father.



Responsibility is something we learn through practice. Using youth as an excuse for poor judgment (as a way of life) or poor character is also learned through practice. Both will accumulate over time, and both are also reinforced every day by our thoughts and actions.



Although God may or may not choose to preserve us from the consequences we earn by making poor decisions, we and maybe others around us may carry mental, emotional, or physical scars for the rest of our lives.



Paul’s letter to Timothy continued: “Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all” (1 Timothy 4:14-15 [14] Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery.

[15] Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all.





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Like Timothy, we also are to be an example of godliness within our sphere of influence, which is at the very least our local congregations, our families andour circle of friends. What a tall order! To walk against the tide of society to be an example in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in purity—not easy stuff. Consider Paul’s letter to Timothy and how it applies to us today. We are to to be aware of how we speak to others and represent God with our words. We should be good examples in our actions and behavior, reflecting the love of our Father in outgoing concern for others.



And we are to be actively working with the Holy Spirit we are given at baptism and growing our faith by doing good works. And we are to be pure—which in a world such as this certainly requires God’s help (2 Timothy 2:22Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.



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Is this completely overwhelming? Does it seem impossible to achieve? Well, yes, it can seem that way, especially if some bad habits have already woven themselves into the fiber of our character. But it can be done . The impossible is absolutely possible with God (Philippians 4:13). Most people in God’s Church don’t talk openly about the wretched and miserable character traits they have overcome or are still overcoming. But everyone has to overcome, and we are all in this together. The apostle Paul himself was guilty of persecuting the brethren, and played an active role in the death of several Christians. But God opened his eyes, and led him to repent and preach the gospel (Acts 7:58-59 [58] And cast him out of the city, and stoned him: and the witnesses laid down their clothes at a young man's feet, whose name was Saul.

[59] And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.





See All..., 1 Timothy 1:12-16 [12] And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;

[13] Who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.

[14] And the grace of our Lord was exceeding abundant with faith and love which is in Christ Jesus.

[15] This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.

[16] Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting.





See All..., Romans 7:24-25 [24] O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

[25] I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.





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We hear great stories about miracles where God protected the life or property of Church members in some very dramatic way—and these stories are inspiring and wonderful! But we don’t as often have opportunity to celebrate the many, many stories of God miraculously saving spiritual lives. God can work amazing miracles in our hearts and minds if we will accept His help and guidance. The greatest miracle happens in the secret places of the heart (Acts 3:19Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord;



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Family and Friendship: A Light in a Dark Place

We need each other. God didn’t tell us to assemble together with other brethren each week on a whim. Our church congregations should become like families—a support system where the members love each other despite our differences in personality. And like family, we should all be working together at our responsibilities. We should have fellowship together often, not just at church, but time spent in each others’ homes to build our relationships to the point that we can actually share the important things that we face as Christians. We need to surround ourselves with those who are excited about God’s way of life.



Our choice of friends can be especially important when we’re young, as we experience more independence from our families at school and work. Our group of friends can have a tremendous influence on us, and we them. But we always have to be conscious of the direction and weight of that influence and make decisions, however difficult, according to where we are headed and where we want to be. If wisdom comes from God (it does—Proverbs 2:6For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.



See All...), then we’d better be asking very earnestly for that gift and preparing to use it to walk (or run) in the right direction. Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived, but even he was completely led in a wrong direction by the company he chose to keep (1 Kings 11:1-10 [1] But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;

[2] Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love.

[3] And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.

[4] For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.

[5] For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites.

[6] And Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD, as did David his father.

[7] Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon.

[8] And likewise did he for all his strange wives, which burnt incense and sacrificed unto their gods.

[9] And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice,

[10] And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the LORD commanded.





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In the book of Daniel, we see an encouraging example of four young men who did what was right without their parents, grandparents or elders there to influence them. They had positive reinforcement only from each other as captives in pagan Babylon, but because they obeyed God without consideration for their lives, God blessed them with remarkable skills and gifts. When the king tested them, they performed ten times better than those around them (Daniel 1:17-20 [17] As for these four children, God gave them knowledge and skill in all learning and wisdom: and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams.

[18] Now at the end of the days that the king had said he should bring them in, then the prince of the eunuchs brought them in before Nebuchadnezzar.

[19] And the king communed with them; and among them all was found none like Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah: therefore stood they before the king.

[20] And in all matters of wisdom and understanding, that the king enquired of them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and astrologers that were in all his realm.





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Could God have plucked them out of Babylon? Yes, certainly, but He did not. Instead, they had to prove themselves there, surrounded by an extremely pagan society, to love God more than their own lives. He then gave them what they needed for success within the confines of their captivity. In the world—but not of it. The difference is huge, and it’s one that we also must make in our lives every day. There is no vacation from being in the world, even at Sabbath services, the Feast of Tabernacles or a Church camp. Even then, we make decisions about the company we keep and the attitudes and behaviors that ultimately make up our character.



The Wake-Up Call

Here’s some honesty for you: When it comes to youth and responsibility, I don’t think I’ve been a Timothy, or a Daniel, though I admire them very much. When I was busy being busy, I was despising my youth. Thinking back, I have often felt like an utter failure, having wasted many years of greater spiritual growth because I let the world distract me.



At some level I may have even wanted distraction because I didn’t have the guts to change—yet. I was fearful, letting my cowardice block the way between me and God. I didn’t realize the gravity that cowardice or of being guilty of lying to myself (see Revelation 21:8But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.



See All...). But deep down, every second (or third or later) generation Christian knows enough to know when God will be pleased or not by our choices. That “yet” is a good indicator that we are willfully ignoring God’s Holy Spirit working with us. If we’re honest, we need to ask ourselves some tough questions.



How is our relationship with God to be impacted by partying, drinking or spending time in nightclubs, even when accompanied by Church friends? If we choose to fill our minds with justifications, excuses, or avoid the issue by filling our time with video games, TV or other entertainment, then we probably won’t have time to think about literally what we could do—right now—to express love to God with more than just an emotion.



As sometimes happens to those who profess Christianity and who are hitting the cruise control, I got a wake-up call. Though different for all of us, when we are faced with circumstances completely beyond our control, we can turn inward and bottle up our pain, we can take our frustration out on others and try to solve the unsolvable, or we can turn to God our Father, and give it and ourselves fully into His care.



When my beloved church congregation was forcibly ripped apart a couple of years ago, I was certainly fired to greater consciousness. I wouldn’t wish the circumstances on anyone, but I know many who have experienced something similar.



That pain caused results that were ultimately worth something, though, because who can truly understand what we are feeling but God? Through sleepless nights and hours of weeping, I opened my heart fully to God. I prayed through the hurt and the anger and the human need for some kind of justice where none could be found. I had lost so much, but through that pain and grief, I found something much greater: the first love (Mark 12:30And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.



See All..., Romans 8:37-39 [37] Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

[38] For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

[39] Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.





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Learning the Hard Way

I confess that before my wake-up call (see sidebar), the first love had always seemed just out of reach. I didn’t quite understand how second generation Christians could have quite the same level of passion as first. After all, we hadn’t come out of another religion or some other way of life that’s different from God’s truth.



I was so wrong. It’s there for all whomGod calls, if we aren’t too busy with the cares of this life to seek God in earnest. Timothy was a second generation believer, also. He learned about God’s way of life from his mother and grandmother (1 Timothy 1:5Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:



See All...). As a young man, he answered the same call that you are perhaps being offered even now (Acts 2:38-40 [38] Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

[39] For the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the LORD our God shall call.

[40] And with many other words did he testify and exhort, saying, Save yourselves from this untoward generation.





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The second part of Ecclesiastes 11:9Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.



See All... is this: “Walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these God will bring you into judgment.” We are held accountable for the choices we make as a young man or woman, whether wise or foolish.



Some people tend to learn from the mistakes of others and receive good teaching early on, like Timothy and Daniel and his friends did. But some of us seem to need to learn by bitter experience and much planting of our faces in the dirt. But either way, the point is to learn something .



If I could go back and say something to a younger me, it would be: “Tell God every secret of your heart. Honesty with yourself means honesty with God. And that is the beginning of everything wonderful in your life. Everything is clearer after inviting His light to shine in.”



Be a Timothy, or a Daniel, if you can. But if it’s too late for that, then be like the prodigal son, or King David, who after making huge mistakes turned to God for forgiveness instead of justifying them further! (See Luke 15:10-19 [10] Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.

[11] And he said, A certain man had two sons:

[12] And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.

[13] And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.

[14] And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.

[15] And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.

[16] And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.

[17] And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!

[18] I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,

[19] And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.





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Just don’t despise your own valuable youth by wasting it on so many things that can lead you away from what you know is right.



If you haven’t already, learn to appreciate this as a time when you can learn how to communicate openly with God and learn to put your trust in Him throughout your life (Psalm 71:5For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.



See All...). He loves you more than you can even comprehend, and wants very much to hear what you have to say! (1 John 4:19We love him, because he first loved us.



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At the start of this article, I asked a question: Is there anything more wonderful than being young? Well, yes, there is. Much more wonderful is to be young and pouring that energy, strength, and love of life into the most important relationship we can ever have, with our Father in heaven. It is the most blessed choice we can possibly make.

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