From http://el-paso.ucg.org/ or call 1-888-886-8632.
by Gary Petty
Jesus said, "Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called the sons of God." Everyone agrees with the concept, but how can we practice peacemaking? Sometimes it seems like you can't get through a day without experiencing conflict with a family member, neighbor, co-worker or a stranger on the subway.
The book of Proverbs contains many practical steps of basic conflict resolution.
Points to build on
1. The most important step in dealing with conflict is to understand that when you are at peace with God it is easier to make peace with others . Many times we are driven by an attitude of anger and self-defense instead of the inner peace that comes from God.
Proverbs 16:7When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.
See All...: "When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him."
2. Once an argument begins it tends to escalate into anger and irrational behavior. It is much better to deal with the issues while both parties are still calm. It is important to pick the proper time and place for discussion. If emotions are beginning to run high ask for a short break to get control.
Proverbs 17:14The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.
See All...: "The beginning of strife is like releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts."
3. Many times we emotionally respond to what someone is saying without hearing the entire story. Stop and listen to what the person is really trying to say before responding.
Proverbs 18:13He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
See All...: "He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him."
4. When dealing with conflicts between other people, listen to both sides before making any judgment.
Proverbs 18:17He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.
See All...: "The first one to plead his cause seems right, Until his neighbor comes and examines him."
5. Dealing with conflict in the early stages is much easier. Once a person is offended or hurt it takes much more effort and time to come to a resolution.
Proverbs 18:19A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
See All...: "A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle."
6. Responding in anger is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Sometimes it is better to overlook another person's fault or offense for the sake of maintaining the relationship.
Proverbs 17:9He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
See All...: "He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends."
Proverbs 19:11The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
See All...: "The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression."
7. Some issues aren't worth fighting over.
Proverbs 20:3It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.
See All...: "It is honorable for a man to stop striving, Since any fool can start a quarrel."
Proverbs 17:28Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.
See All...: "Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive."
8. Conflict is fanned by gossip. Avoid a person who thrives on gossip because he or she will destroy relationships.
Proverbs 16:28A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
See All...: "A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends."
Proverbs 17:9He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
See All...: "He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends."
9. Carefully and objectively examine your position before you enter into an argument. Consider that you may be at least partially wrong. It is best to work out conflict before you need a mediator. When you involve a mediator you may find out that you are the one who is wrong and your reputation harmed.
Proverbs 25:8-10 [8] Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.
[9] Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another:
[10] Lest he that heareth it put thee to shame, and thine infamy turn not away.
See All...: "Do not go hastily to court; For what will you do in the end, When your neighbor has put you to shame? Debate your case with your neighbor, And do not disclose the secret to another; Lest he who hears it expose your shame, And your reputation be ruined."
Application
Post these nine principles in a prominent place so that they are a constant reminder of how to conduct conflict resolution.
Before dealing with conflict first pray to God to help you see your part in causing the strife, ask for forgiveness for both you and the other person and seek peace with your Creator. Then you will have the inner strength to be a real peacemaker.
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